Love Is In The Care

I love love. I love to celebrate love. Valentines day, historically, has been celebrated largely as a holiday for romantic partners to express their adoration for one another. V-day dates (pardon the pun) back to the Roman festival of Lupercalia, which celebrated the coming of spring, fertility, and the pairing off of women with men by lottery. I used to feel that in the absence of a romantic connection, Valentines Day was a stupid Hallmark holiday cruelly designed to make single folk feel, well, singled out. I have a memory as a child about candy grams given at school. Kids purchased said grams and they were then delivered–sometimes anonymously–to fellow classmates as a sort of secret admirer, “I have a crush on you” deal. I think back now and, as a parent, that was one shitty position to put a child in.   Who’s awful idea was that anyhow?! The 80’s, man. I digress…

Love is  meant to be all inclusive. Everyone should feel loved!  What better way to receive love than to  learn to love yourself first?! I’ve said it before and I will say it again, we live in a time where IMO, self love/self care gets lost in translation and takes on a sort of saccharine-like, self indulgent feel. I am not talking about being overly permissive and frivolous: face masks, Netflix and ice cream (although, why the hell not?) When I think of self love I am thinking of working on my wounded self–that hurt inner child, if you will.  Confronting the demons and daring to walk fearlessly through the fires that have been keeping me at a distance from finding that woman in me that yearns to live as her highest self. 

I have been on a deep journey of healing the parts of myself that I have chosen to ignore for most of my life.  On this journey, I have actively chosen to be single. As a serial dater since the age of 13, and having had well over a dozen monogamous relationships, one marriage and two engagements I think its fairly safe to say I am what you might call a love addict…or dare I say co-dependent? I medicate with relationships, at least I used to. What I am working on now is activating a consistent state of feeling/being love without the need to consciously acknowledge the exchange in relation to someone else. To quote Ram Dass, “The most important aspect of love is not in the giving or  receiving: its in the being. When I need love from others, or need to give love to others, I’m caught in an unstable situation. Being IN love, is the only thing that provides stability. Being in love means seeing the beloved all around me.”

When I am able to practice this, I am free of expectation. I get to approach every person or situation with an open heart and flowing compassion. If I can view myself and everyone around me, especially those who I struggle to feel tenderness towards, as if they were their wounded child self I may somehow have the ability to operate from a place of unconditional love. For me, this is a much more comfortable space to live in. Alas! I am human and that is why we call this a practice. A useful tool I was taught by a mentor of mine years ago when I was holding onto a deep-seeded resentment towards an ex, was to practice the metta mediation towards him. I am learning that while I may not always be able to resolve an issue that saddens or angers me in regards to another, what I can do is pray for their peace, love and happiness. It feels nonsensical at the time but with repetition what transpires is that heavy dark place in my chest feels lighter and less consuming. 

The universe works in wondrous ways. When I need a nudge or a reminder, there she is with a message. This happened recently during my morning ritual. I take my time enjoying my coffee in bed (one of my most favorite pastimes EVER! Bring me coffee in bed and I’m yours for the keeping.) and I pull a card for the day from one of my many decks. I’m obsessed with my new Inner Compass Cards, I picked one the other day called Choice. One of the last sentences reads “Be aware of that old truth: everything that you give attention to grows; negative or positive, love or fear, contraction or expansion. The choice is yours.”  What energy or emotion will you choose to feed? In lieu of the topic let’s choose love.

As a Greek girl I carry the theme of my lineage throughout my brand. One aspect of my heritage that I adore is that there is not just one word for love but 8!

1) Eros - erotic love,
2) Philia - affectionate love,
3) Storge - familiar love,
4) Ludus - playful love,
5 ) Mania - obsessive love,
6) Pragma - enduring love,
7) Philautia - self love,
8) Agape - selfless love.

This Valentines Day I will be honoring many aspects of love. I will be part of a female pop-up where we will be laughing, noshing, listening to songs about love all damn day, and I will be debuting my newest addition, Lip Love. 

May this day, and every day really, find you loving yourself and caring for those all around you! Because love is in the care after all.

Sagapó ( I love you!),

Mandie